My Mockingjay
by Pages Like Petals
Summary: This is about how Peeta has to deal with a changed Katniss after the Hunger Games. It's a songfic of My Immortal by Evanescenes. I walk home to the same scene as I always do, Katniss, sitting on the couch staring blankly at the fire in the fire place.


**This is a songfic I decided to write based off the song My Immortal, it's about how Peeta copes with a lifeless Katniss after they've defeated the Capital. I do not own My Immortal or the Hunger Games series, though I wish I did. Enjoy.**

I walk in through that back door after a long day of working. Years after the destruction of the capital has left everyone equal, everyone works to survive. It's not as bad as when we were all in the districts, and it's not a fancy life like in the capital, but somewhere in the middle I guess. I walk home to the same scene as I always do, Katniss, sitting on the couch staring blankly at the fire in the fire place. She doesn't turn her head when I enter, she doesn't even acknowledge my presence. The Mockingjay just looks into the flames and sees nightmares from the past. It used to be enough, me just sitting with her, or holding her hand, but now it's not enough to quench the sadness that flows through her veins. It's driving me to a point of despair, and I don't know how much more I can take.

_I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears  
And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
Because your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone  
_

Yes, we're married, but she doesn't love me, she never has and she never will. She will always love Gale, but I still love her anyways and I try to fill in the deep hole that's been left by the capital and Gale's untimely death. While trying to save me, Katniss and Gale became the same prisoners of the capital as I was. They tortured him for information that he begged her not to give, and she didn't. Not only because of what they were fighting for but because she loved him, she would do anything for him, and for Prim. I feel like it's my fault that she's not happy. I feel that it's my fault that Gales dead. But she never says anything; she never brings up exactly how he died. I'll never know if she blames me or not. She always lets me try to comfort her, even though it's unsuccessful. Either way, seeing her like this just makes me feel like I have a big, empty, hollow hole in my chest.

_  
These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase  
_

I remember when it started to get worse write after we finally defeated the capital and years after Gale's death. She would toss and turn at night, kicking and screaming bloody murder. Through her sleep I would hear mumbled words, "Not him! Please, I'll do anything you want." Which as we both know wasn't entirely true, Katniss wouldn't give them information. She would wake up with a tear-stained face; I would hold her hand and rub her back. I would always whisper soothing words in her ear, but over time it wasn't enough, she would get up and walk away, go down to the living room, and make a fire. She would stare at it until dawn, until she was too tired to look at it anymore and fall back asleep. But she would wake up screaming again and I would try to wipe away all the pain.

_  
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I've held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have all of me  
_

I remember back when we were just kids, how I instantly fell for her. I used to hear her sing in my head as I fell asleep, her voice could always hypnotize me. She used to glow, not the elegant way but in a strong way months after her father died, after I gave her some bread. Something in that small gesture clicked with her and she became tough, she supported her family. Her hungry face still haunts me sometime when I don't have nightmares about the games. She always had it worse though, because unlike me, she wouldn't wake up to find the person she was worried about sleeping at her side. Not happy but at least safe. She would always have me that way; she let me get off easy, while she herself couldn't get off of the pain at all.

_  
You used to captivate me  
by your resonating light  
But now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me  
_

Something broke that toughness though, she wasn't the same after she and Gale got captured by the Capitol. I want to bring her back, anything to make her smile, even a fake one would suffice a little bit. But Katniss can't heal, she just can't go on. The Capital broke her too much. But I don't think she would change anything, she and especially Gale wanted the districts to be free. But her heart is completely broken, smashed beyond fixing, no matter how hard I try.

_  
These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase  
_

I feel the pain every day, the only thing that keeps me going is the fact that Katniss needs me. She needs me to take care of her. But I'm broken too. If Katniss wasn't alive, I would be just like her right now, lifeless and gone, her health and her being is the only thing that's keeping me to this earth. She's helpless, almost like a small child. Even with her skills, if she ever had to face something like the Hunger Games again she would be dead in an instant. The only thing I can do is comfort her now, for both our sakes. Though we both know it does no good, it keeps me going, which means it keeps us going.

_  
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I've held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have all of me  
_

Every night, I watch her sink further into the darkness that consumes her. I keep telling myself that she's gone, because she is. Katniss might as well be dead, a tool that was used to defeat the Capital. It was a success, but was it worth the loss? Most people would say yes, but I'm not sure what to think anymore, all of this time, I was a puppet, Katniss was a puppet, everyone who ever was in the Hunger Games was no more than a puppet for both sides, the Capital and the districts. All I know for sure is that I come home to an empty house, with nothing but a hollowed out Mockingjay.

_  
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you´re gone  
But though you're still with me  
I've been alone all along_

So here I am, with only one thing to keep me going. One thing that I know I will never get back, never receive, or ever see unless it is a lie. That thing is love, because I will always love Katniss. And I hope that maybe one day, a very long time from now, she will see just how much I care and that I'll never let go. I will always be faithful, even though I may receive nothing in return. _  
_

_These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase_

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I've held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have all of me

That's just the crazy thing about love; I keep fighting even when my heart is almost beyond repair. Shattered into a thousand tiny pieces and thrown away like trash._  
_

**Thank you so much for reading, I would love some reviews because my one fanfiction only has 5 for 5 chapters. I would be thrilled even if it was critical criticism (which I love) So please please me and leave a review. Bye!**


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